12 Things Love and Sex Experts Are Dying to Tell You

1. Never underestimate the power of a compliment."Every day, tell your partner about one thing they did that you appreciate. Everybody is quick to let their partner know what they didn't do right, and what made you angry. Make sure you balance this with what they do that pleases you. From the small things to the big things, the more you say 'Thank you,' the more of what makes you happy will come your way."
—Jane Greer, Ph.D., couples therapist and author of Gridlock: Finding the Courage to Move On in Love, Work, and Life

2. Sex: Just do it.

"Have sex—even when you don't want to! Many times, arousal comes before desire. Once you get going, you'll probably find yourself enjoying it. And the more you experience sex, the more your body will condition itself to want it. You'll feel more sensual and energized, and your partner will pick up on this sexy change."
—Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center in Chicago and author of The Passion Prescription

3. Listen more, talk less.

"Communication is 85 percent listening and 15 percent talking. The more you listen, the more you'll enhance communication. Try getting out of the house, taking a long walk without your cell phones, and just looking into your partner's eyes and listening to him. It's an amazing thing in a relationship when you truly feel listened to!"
—Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D., founder of eHarmony.com and author of Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons

4. Sweep your problems (the little ones) under the rug.

"It really is okay to drop certain subjects and not even come back to them. People think this means you're avoiding key issues. But for everyday little things, successful couples agree to ignore the small problems. It's not worth the aggravation to insist on winning everything."
—David Wexler, Ph.D., executive director of the Relationship Training Institute in San Diego and author of When Good Men Behave Badly

5. Treat your love like a cherished friendship.

"The happiest couples relate to each other with respect, affection, and empathy. They choose their words carefully, avoiding the most poisonous relationship behaviors—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling— and feel emotionally connected."
—John Gottman, Ph.D., cofounder of the Gottman Institute in Seattle and author of 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage

6. To change your relationship, change yourself.

"In most relationships, we think, I'm right, you're wrong, and I'll try to convince you to change. The truth is, if one person changes, the relationship changes. People say, 'Why do I have to change?' But when I show them how to tip over the first domino, their only question is, 'Why did I wait so long?'"
—Michele Weiner-Davis, couples therapist and author of The Sex-Starved Marriage

7. Watch out for harsh comments—they hit harder than you think.

"When you're tired or frustrated, it's easy to slip into being critical of your partner. But remember, negative expressions and comments and behaviors hold much more weight than positive interactions. Make sure that for every one negative interaction, you have five positive interactions to counteract it—a touch, a laugh, a kiss, an act of love, a compliment."
—Scott Haltzman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men

8. Don't knock it till you've tried it...twice.

"Try being adventurous in bed. Even if you don't like something, give it at least two chances before you give up on it—it may grow on you!"
—Laura Berman, Ph.D.

9. Be the first to offer the olive branch.

"Often when there's a problem, each person will wait for the other to take the initiative to work things out. But the longer you wait, the more frustrated you both get and the worse  you feel. Try making the first move to break a stalemate. It doesn't mean that you're giving in. You're getting the ball rolling, rather than being stuck."
—Norman Epstein, Ph.D., marriage researcher and family therapist at the University of Maryland

10.  How to be a couple and still be free.

Give the love you want to get. "Put out lots of love and appreciation and doing your share, and you're much more likely to get it back. Put out demands and complaining, and you'll get that back too."
—Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., couples therapist and author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free

11.  Fight for your love.

"I've never seen a decent marriage where there wasn't a lot of conflict. Conflict is always the result of uniqueness, the differences between two people rubbing up against each other. Lots of people try to shut themselves down in order to avoid conflict, but any two people living full and vibrant lives are going to clash at some point. If you manage it carefully and thoughtfully, conflict can actually give your marriage a shot of energy. You can have a broader, fuller, more interesting relationship."
—Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D.

12.  Sex matters; couple time matters even more.

"Often couples focus on scheduling sex and working very hard on their sex life, and they don't get anywhere. But when they focus instead on spending time together—going to the movies, working on a project together—then often a better sex life will grow out of that."
—Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of She Comes First and He Comes Next